SIMPLE IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD TRAINING MORE EFFECTIVE

Let me share with you some basic techniques Laura and I have used that have made the training of our children more effective. Before you read the list, it is important for me to state that God did not give us perfect kids, nor did our offspring inherit perfect parents. What is exciting is that despite the shortcomings of the parents and children that have comprised our family, God has been good to us. For over a quarter century we have had a home largely characterized by love and joy.

I believe these simple ideas will work in your family. If one suggestion strikes you as ridiculous, don't automatically rule out the others.

If you like one or more of these recommendations, be careful not to attempt to fully implement everything immediately. All humans resist change. Ask the Holy Spirit for His wisdom. Seek the complete cooperation of your wife. If she is opposed to a new family procedure, postpone it until God changes her heart or yours. If your children are school age, explain what you are doing and why. Prior to the enforcement of new rules, determine the length of any grace period you will allow.

These are some of a few recommendations I would make to encourage every father to consider.

Determine from your child's birth that you are raising him to leave your home. Your child is not meant for your personal, selfish, lifelong enjoyment, but for the service of his God, the happiness of his future mate, and the success of his own eventual family. The right attitude on this subject will make major decisions so much easier to make; the wrong attitude will thwart God's plans in his life.

Never allow a new baby to keep you or your wife out of church services for anything less than health reasons. Your wife may need a few days of bed rest before returning to her old schedule (especially if there is now more than one child in the home), but she and the baby need to be in church as soon as possible. To stay home under the mistaken pretense of "protecting" your baby from the church nursery is to allow your child to become a stumbling block in your Christian life.

And believe it or not, you are retarding the baby's spiritual growth. A child needs to learn from his/her earliest days that everyone in your family will be in church for every service through all of life. If that habit is successfully instilled throughout youth, it will not be easily broken in adulthood. A mother does a disservice to her baby when she keeps the child away from the church family.

Determine that your children, from their earliest days, will be placed in the classes where they belong. A baby belongs in the nursery, not in the main church service. Satan routinely uses cute babies to distract adults from hearing life-changing messages. Further, it is good for your child to be conditioned to being handled by other adults and not to be treated differently from other children. These principles hold true for children of all ages. If there is a children's class or program that meets in your church simultaneous to an adult service, your child must be there. It is a disservice to him to have him sitting with you in an adult service when the church has provided classes to meet his specific needs. You never want your child to grow with the impression that somehow he is too good to be involved with the programs meant for the "other" kids.

DO NOT SPARE "THE ROD". This is essential. The Word warns that sparing the rod spoils the child; God goes further to state that to spare the rod is an act of hatred toward your child. Only as your child learns to fear you as his earthly father can you hope for him to someday fear God as his Heavenly Father. Of course, that fear must be balanced by a generous amount of love and fun.

Empower your wife to handle discipline in your absence. Discipline should be as immediate as circumstances allow. Rarely should a spanking be postponed by your wife until Daddy arrives home. That is a terrible injustice to the father, and may be counter-productive if children sense that they can gamble that their punishment may be completely forgotten by a distracted mother or delivered feebly by a tired father.

Spanking need not be the only tool of discipline (especially as children mature into their teen years), but it should always be viewed as a vital tool. Direct disobedience or disrespect should always be met with a paddling on the buttocks. Children should be warned of the consequences of their misbehavior, but once that is clearly understood, the judgment should be swiftly and surely delivered. Ask a mature man of God to demonstrate to you the most effective procedure with which to conduct a paddling.

Never allow your children to come between you and your wife -- either figuratively or actually. Determine that your wife is always and will always be more important to you than are your children. Your relationship to her must be second only to that which you have with your Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ -- and the children must know that. This can be demonstrated several ways, both directly and subtly.

Laura and I have never allowed our children to sleep in our bed once they were weaned. In fact, our bedroom is our personal sanctuary where children are only allowed by permission. Nor are they allowed to knock on our bedroom door except in an emergency. By these simple means they have been taught to respect both the closeness and the privacy of their parents.

The children have also never been allowed to sit between my wife and I in church. I want to cuddle my sweetheart now and always. In our family, my son sat on one side of me, my wife on the other. Our daughters sat next to their mother. Occasionally one of the daughters got to snuggle up next to Daddy. But no one ever sat between Dad and Mom.

Teach your children that the church is a very special place. Never allow them to eat or drink in the church buildings (except when expressly encouraged to do so by the church leadership), nor munch candies or chew gum there. Before you leave your seats at the end of the service, have everyone pick up any trash nearby (even if it originated from another family). Soon a deep respect for God's House will take hold.

School-age children ought never sleep in church. In our family, all the children had to participate in the service until the singing was concluded. In other words, they would stand when the congregation would stand and sing when the congregation sang. During the sermon, children through age 4 could quietly write or color. They could also nap. At age 5, they had to keep their eyes on the preacher. If they fell asleep, we as parents made no issue of it at church.

But at home, the youngster was sent straight to bed with no dinner, no treat, no family fun time. Stay firm despite the tears. Every one of my kids tested the system once or twice. Now they can stay awake through a church service (even a long and tedious one) better than I can!

Do not allow your children to climb up onto the platform of the auditorium unless they're their officially to serve the Lord. Never should a child be allowed to play on the platform, and especially not on or around the pulpit. The platform area should be treated as sacred by everyone in your family.

Never allow your child to play mother against father. What your wife says goes once it has been stated to the children (and vice versa). If one of you disagrees with a pronouncement made by the other, discuss it privately, then announce any revision to the kids as if it is coming from both of you.

Your child should never be successful in getting one parent to countermand the orders of the other parent.